Used sparingly and in appropriate situations
this may become a shortcut
if we wish to change our children's
behaviour and attitudes for the better.
"You are biting your fingernails again", exclaimed mother. "Why do you have to do this all the time?"
The child does not reply. Obediently he takes the finger out of his mouth only to return it a couple of minutes later. After all, his mother was right. She reinforced the unwanted behaviour: "You are biting...", and the question that followed only confirms to the child that he "has to do it, all the time."
Of course, mother could have used a different approach such as: "Take your finger out of your mouth, at once!" The chance of success would have been greater. Commands like this, however, often leave an aftertaste of resentment and rejection The parent may achieve one aim and trade in something else, possibly more valuable.
Now let us consider a different strategy. Mother may notice the habit but she does not argue or use logic with the child. Rather, at an appropriate opportunity she may say: "Look, the child over there is chewing his fingernails. Doesn't it look awful. A boy/girl who wants to grow up nicely surely wouldn't do that".
The child is now in a double-bind. Almost certainly s/he will agree that the behaviour looks awful. The unconscious urge (biting the nails) is confronted from inside the child. The behaviour, sooner or later, most likely will stop.
In the sense of this article, a metaphor is a story or an event that demonstrates human behaviour and suggests a positive outcome. The OVERT metaphor explains to the child the similarities between events. For instance, "Imagine the earth was as big as an orange. The moon then would be as big as a grape and the distance between the two would be as far as the living room from one corner to the opposite corner", illustrates the shape of the solar system.
In the example above ("Look, the child over there...") the boy's mother did not reveal the purpose of her comment. She by-passed the universal resistance and objections of the human mind and surrendered the responsibility for improving his behaviour to her child. We may call this process the COVERT metaphor.
This method is even more effective if certain keywords are used. In our example, mother did notice on previous occasions that her boy not only knows the meaning of 'awful' but also has strong negative feelings about that word. She puts a slight emphasis on: "...looks - awful".
Metaphors have to be designed with a definite Desired Outcome in mind. Take the example of Paula. She is nine years old and very talented. She does, however, have little confidence and is 'all over the place'. The desired outcome is for her to able able to concentrate more on a given task and to increase her attention span.
" Once upon a time there was a dragon. He was very active and did many different things during the day. (Matching Paula's behaviour) However, he found it very hard to do one single thing at a time. You see, he had - SEVEN - HEADS. And, to make matters worse, all those heads looked into different directions, wanted to do different things, all the time. So when the dragon decided to do one thing... (again, matching the child. Say, was going to draw something.) ...then only one of the seven heads would look at the drawing. Another one would look out of the window. Another one into the kitchen for something to eat...
" One day the dragon got sick of it all. He decided to do something about it. He talked to all his seven heads in a very stern voice: 'You will only look where I tell you to look! One thing at a time! All of you!'
" That was not easy and took some time. (The child may not find it easy and it may take some time.) But the more he practised, the more the seven heads obeyed and, golly, he was so much happier then and he was able to do..." (Something similar to what Paula really likes doing.)
The younger children are, the less they can follow our adult logic. Reasoning about 'concentration' for example, goes right over their heads. They will, however, develop a clear picture in their minds about the dragon and how he became happier in his tasks. The dragon becomes a blueprint for the child's better concentration.
Children have a close affinity for animals. The big, strong bear, the clever fox or the kind dog become examples for the child in his conduct and place in the world. The imagined 'rabbit inside the child' is much more willing to accept more agreeable behaviours and thinking patterns than if they are told to be 'tidy', 'get up early to go to school' or be 'motivated'.
Endless requests to tell again and again the child's favourite stories is boring for the adult. For the child, however, it has value. Repetition is one important factor for positive behaviour changes. The events and behaviours of the characters in the story etch themselves into the child's memory banks. They may assert their influence into ripe adulthood.
Metaphors have great impact if they are told as bedtime stories. The mood, the issues and the feelings will remain with the child throughout the night. During sleep, much learning and sorting out occurs.
Classroom teachers often have to cope with students who are outside the normal range in abilities. Let us assume that one of the students is gifted and therefore envied and disliked by the rest. The following metaphor is an example how we can encourage mutual acceptance and a better relationship amongst the members of the class.
"Like clockwork, every morning from Monday to Friday they went down in the lift, deeper and deeper into the earth. They all had the same aim: To mine the precious metal which was so badly needed for the community to survive.
They were a happy lot, really. They worked together and progressed in every way. The only fly in the ointment was Carl. Carl was never happy with things the way there were. The lift could have been faster; there could have been more fresh air in the mine; the machinery was too noisy... He had so many ideas and was so clever. But the others didn't like this and were unkind to him. (or matching the situation in the class) They had no idea that one day Carl would invent a device which would make them all so much happier in their work. One day the boss called Carl into his office..."
Again, by judicious use of keywords and key situations a story like this can be tailored to suit a desired outcome. Furthermore, if we leave the story open-ended - the teacher may ask the children to suggest a suitable ending - new possibilities emerge. Once their concerns are disguised in a metaphor, children often surprise us with their solutions.
In the example above, the students may suggest the the miners be more open-minded and talk instead of rejecting the eccentric Carl. To then transfer the student's own strategy to their situation in the class should be an easy task for the teacher.
Metaphors have been used since history began. To this day we use them in different ways. Directed toward a specific outcome and constructed within guidelines they are one way to heal certain problem situations and enrich learning and social processes.
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For a practical example of building a metaphor please click here.
Copyright ©: 1995 Peter Schmedding, Canberra, Australia Peter's e-mail address